Gone Are The Days Of An Epic Horrorfest

With Halloween approaching I was looking forward to watching an unhealthy amount of horror films. So many that I would have nightmares for the rest of the year, if not longer. But this Halloween, and the same could be said for the past few years, something has drastically changed on TV. There’s no more variety. Going through AMC’s website shows that I’ll have four times to watch Pet Sematary, and probably another four or five times to see Pet Sematary 2. What gives AMC? I thought you were the future of classic? This all just seems like overkill on your part.

I guess the fuel of my outrage stems from my childhood years. I was spoiled with lots of the classic horror flicks, with a nice mixture of newish material. From the Creature from the Black Lagoon to Fright Night. This Halloween, don’t expect to see those on even once, let alone four separate occasions. Why? I can only attribute this shit storm to the abundance of crappy horror films being made in the last fifteen years. We were swarmed with countless Halloween sequels (I think there might be six or seven of these counting the remake, it takes too much effort to find an exact number.) Adding insult to injury are the numerous replays of these travesties. Would someone like to tell me who is interested in catching Constantine two times in a row? Or why anyone would be so disappointed they missed the first airing that they’d wait an additional two hours to see the second?

Perhaps the worst part of all this is the shorter schedule. AMC used to make this a full month of horror movies, not just a week of mildly entertaining crap. Every night you could turn on the tube and just waste four or five hours watching The Wolf Man or Frankenstein. The closest we get to that this year is An American Werewolf in London, which is an admittedly funny romp of a film.

AMC isn’t all to blame, other channels have completely stopped airing horror films altogether. ABC Family, a channel that used to have 30 (maybe even 31) days of Halloween now only has thirteen days of Halloween. It doesn’t exactly feature the best lineup either; Scariest Places on Earth is probably the closest you’ll come to actually being scared, if you even buy that shit anymore. Or maybe you’ll be sitting by the TV all night waiting for Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed to come on (or not.) I understand this is a family channel, but why pander to grown up audiences only on Halloween night by airing Poltergeist? Why don’t we just show the good stuff all the time and have a little backbone.

I’ll give some mild credit to Turner Classic Movies, they have an alright line up but still nothing that compares to the selections of past years. These aren’t even the marathons people want to see, so it’s not even in the best interest of the executives behind the channels. Just give the audience what they want and desire most, good films.

So, in conclusion, this is what you won’t be seeing this October (verified using IMDB):

Dracula (1931) – My personal favorite when it comes to films about vampires. I could have included many others since I even enjoying watching the bad ones from time to time. For me personally, Bela Lugosi is the definitive Dracula.

Frankenstein (1931) – Another classic down the drain. Halloween’s heroes have gone missing in recent years and yes, even Frankenstein doesn’t get his share of the action. I guess our new mascots should be little girls and boys who just stand around looking creepy but cause no physical harm.

Nosferatu (1922) – I included Nosferatu here mainly because I want to see it. I can’t verify if it was ever on when I was a kid but I assume a classic like this would’ve appeared on TV at least once.

The Mummy (1932) – I haven’t seen a Mummy movie in forever. These days we’d rather see Brandon Fraser receive a large royalty check and simultaneously ruin a great villain.

Young Frankenstein (1974) – It’s a sad world when a Mel Brook’s film can’t even appear once before Halloween. I remember thinking this was one of the few overplayed films when I was a kid, I guess I took that for granted.

War of the Worlds (1953) – I still hate the ending but I wouldn’t mind seeing the preceding 75 minutes of it. Luckily they haven’t opted to air the remake either.

The Wolf Man (1941) – Much like The Mummy, I haven’t seen this for a long time. But the scenes of the wolf man creeping around in that forest are still engraved into my memory.

Rosemary’s Baby (1968) – Not my favorite horror film of all time but still worthy of a time slot. I guess instead you can have fun watching Puppet Master… (Disclaimer: This film is airing on Cinemax just not on cable.)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) – Seriously, can you have Halloween without this movie? Are you allowed to officially say you’re having a horror marathon without it?

Friday the 13th (1980) – Halloween’s step-child and Freddy’s arch enemy will not be making an appearance this year. Oh wait; they are still airing Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday. What the fuck AMC?

[AMC's Fearfest begins tonight with John Carpenter's Halloween (which we highly recommend) and Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. Since writing this rant a few days ago I've learned of an additional monster marathon on the SciFi channel which began on October 1st. Their schedule doesn't appear to be any better than AMC's aside from showing Night of the Living Dead and John Carpenter's The Thing later next week.]