Scene Appreciation: It’s My Party

If there was any one movie that completely satisfied my 5-year old needs it was Dennis Dugan’s Problem Child. Obviously now, at the ripe age of 19, my needs have matured, or have at least been elevated to writing about a girl named Tiggle Bitties. So maybe I haven’t grown up as much as I would like to believe, the struggle continues. I just know now that I wouldn’t be able to watch a full hour and a half of John Ritter yelling at an annoying ginger kid, especially if that ginger kid is child star Michael Oliver.

Beyond my own personal maturity level, that one party scene actually still strikes a chord with me every time I see it. There’s a certain sense that I would enjoy dressing up as a devil (yes, even at the age of 19) and trashing some elementary school girl’s birthday party. The only problem is that I have a conscious and I no longer have access to that type of formal gathering, shucks. So, in a way, this particular scene is my own little shot of heroine that keeps me from killing bystanders off the street to get my fix.

“You can’t come to my magic show….”

Let’s face it, that girl was a bitch. Besides seeing magic on TV I never got to see a live act, I’m assuming Junior had the same dilemma. If some prissy young preteen told me I wouldn’t be seeing a magic show at that age, I would have flipped. I don’t think my imagination would have allowed for such a well planned attack, however. My favorite of all those devious acts is when he cuts off the girl’s braid. It’s not that he cuts it off, but the fact that her friends do absolutely nothing to stop him cracks me up every time. Plus you know Junior is just screaming “Gotcha bitch!” inside.

You would imagine that today, on my day of birth, I would feel some sort of pity for the girl. Unfortunately for her, that isn’t even conceivable. If I was that big of an asshole I would want someone to put a frog in my punch, or some pickles in my piñata. But I digress; I think this dream could only come true at the movies. The hose probably wouldn’t have reached all the way into her room in real life.

“Perhaps this was the one step too far…”

As much as I still enjoy watching some good day ruining action, I can’t bring myself to see this movie again; the last time I saw it was probably five years ago. I doubt my memory has had enough time to let this one fade out though, I’ve seen it well over 10-15 times and that’s not even counting it’s sequel which includes even more kid terrorizing fun (and another horrible cameo from Gilbert Gottfried.)

Honestly though, Junior was just a misunderstood kid with a desire to destroy something beautiful, just like Edward Norton in Fight Club. Yeah, that sounds good. It’s the forth, go light some fireworks. Preferably not in any of my cakes or at any of my parties.